How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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