so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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