There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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