Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
