Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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