If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sober January is a disaster.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
