you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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