I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
