I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
