Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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