I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
