ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
