C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm jealous of your bromance
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
