How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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