Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
