Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
