The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
