Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
