Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
