tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
