he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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