Will you blow on my dice?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
