First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
