you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
