the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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