My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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