i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
