I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
