they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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