True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
