no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My cat gives me a boner
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
