I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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