I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dear god my vagina.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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