Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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