the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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