Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
