conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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