I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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