you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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