Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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