You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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