the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
