If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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