i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
