i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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