He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
