I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
