Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
