All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
