Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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