I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
