I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
