i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
