I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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