waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
