I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got her a Nickelback box set.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
