Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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