All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
