I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
