do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
