Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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