Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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