i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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