your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
