Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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