I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
