omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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