well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
