either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
