we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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