Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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