shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
