its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
