Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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