Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
